6th-sage's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Barbershop Quartet...]

It's short, but enough for a laugh.

Your short always has a pattern of having two pushes. The first push forces a smile and a laugh and the second push is always what makes us fall out of our chair laughing.

For example, in the pigeon, the first push is when the hobo spin kicks the pigeon into the lampost and starts eating the pigeon food (bread crumbs and all). The second push is when the hobo comes back for the pigeon. And it's a wonder how every time whenever I'm in the middle of laughing, your second push always makes me laugh even harder. Remind me never to eat while watching your short or most likely I'll choke.

Another example is in the Man Who Could Sit Anywhere. The first push is the sudden death. And the second push is when the store manager finds the guy's ass sewn to a seat.

The Race either had only one push or pushes that were too close. Either way, it was not as funny I suppose. If there had to be 2, then it would be when the first guy crashes into a tree and the second would be when the 2nd guy says, "Damn it."

Perhaps one way to solve the problem is to make some of the shorts a little longer. 15 seconds like the pigeon is much too short. 30~45 is on the shorter side, but gets your point across. And the 2 min+ films are always what garners you your highest scores if you have not noticed: Waiting for the Bus and The Man Who Could Sit Anywhere.

Of course, spitting out daily comics every day as well as making a short every week must be strenuous. I suppose I can't ask too much out of you, but to continue making the shorts as you please, with the occasional 2 min+ films.

Oh, and can I translate some of your works to other languages? I really want to show my friends some of the work, but they don't speak English.

Cheers
6th-Sage

[LARRY episode 1.5]

Hey, it's me again

Before I give you some constructive criticism, I'd like to congratulate you on your hard work and this wonderful episode. I enjoyed Larry 1.5 and I'm really looking forward for episode 2, where the series goes back to Larry, the messed up boy wonder.

There are, however, some things that I need to point out, and I'll separate these points into roughly 3 categories:

1. Regarding the Animation itself: The artwork was splendid and it never ceases to amaze me how much effort you put into every detail of each character, object, and environment. The fact that you could picture a whole city and perhaps even world in your head is a wonder to me. However, there are some glitches and small details that nearly always catches my eye ever since Paladin. First, there are probably some layer problems. For example, if you look carefully at the first scene where there's a rolling view of the grassy/woods scenery from left to right, you will notice that the road moves "faster" than the grass, uncovering some flowers beneath it, like the road is moving across the grass. That kinds of seems odd, as roads don't move. And sometimes when people walk, they look like they're moving on conveyor belts, like... the road is trying to stop them from moving. Not sure how to explain it, but they look kind of like doing the Michael Jackson moonwalk. And there are a few other glitches that you can notice if you analyze your animation carefully.

2. Regarding the pulling of cliches: Your making fun of political or other sorts of references are actually pretty fun. They always put a smile on my face, and sometimes laugh. However, I feel like there's less power in the 1.5 than the first Larry. Not that you did bad, but there's probably the audience to think about. I understand how much work you put into making this funny, but the problem is, you're probably a specialist in this area and have done some reference researches. There are, however, many people who don't get the jokes simply because they don't know the reference in which you are trying to make fun of. While some obvious issues had made me laugh like "Go back to your own country"-"that's what we're trying to do", there are also quite a few jokes I didn't get because I didn't know where it came from. There are a few ways to solve this: the first of which is to provide an optional commentary (just subtitles, no need to voice it) that we viewers can turn on or off to explain the references. If not, then you can provide an article on the "making" of 1.5 on your website so we can understand it better. I'm sure if we understand the jokes, we'll laugh more often. Another thing to point out is probably that some jokes are... played out. For example, the "side character seeking to accomplish a goal, go through a variety of obstacles, and in the end fail to accomplish the goal" stunt has been seen in virtually every single anime filler, Cartoon Network shows, etc. Not that it's bad, but we've seen it so many times it fails to make us laugh. Another common joke is the "misunderstanding the side-character's words into something and end up worshipping the side-character" is also been used far too many times.

3. Regarding the plot: To put it simply, this one does not contain as much action as the previous episode. Maybe because you developed both the villain and protagonist so well that there is some tension and anticipation, but I suppose this is the difference between an anime filler and the real anime plot. Fillers are optional episodes used by companies to stall and make money, with no link to the plot. Most people skip the anime filler and go to the episodes where the plot continues. Perhaps because we think this has nothing to do with the story that we are a bit... bored? Or maybe because we can't find any meaning in watching it? If you link the .5 episodes to the actual story, it'll give these characters some meaning than just some filler characters, as there will be anticipation to how these characters will play a role in Larry's life.

Keep up the good work. Looking forward to Larry 2.

Nick

Jazza responds:

wow what a fantastic analysis of... everything! great work.

while i would love to respond to each point individually, the purpose would be void because in each case the answer is mostly the same; i really dont think it out that much. lol.

it's not that i dont put in effort, but when it comes to scripting i tend to improvise. i have a rough idea of the plot and whatever jokes come to my head as i write, end up in the flash. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt so much. i COULD spend more time in it, and i probably should, but i kinda feel like i have a comfortable pattern if you know what i mean lol.

episode 2 will have al ot more attention paid to it though coz i have more story to fit in and the jokes will need to be worth putting in.

thanks for your great review mate i really appreciate it!

[Dawning of Darkness 5 (P1]

Been over a year mate, you still alive there?

I was going to leave a review then back in 2008 when I first saw this, but at that time, I thought you would have submitted part 2 not soon after this one. Didn't know that you'd go into hiding for a year and a half before showing up with some news again.

And now you're back, with hopefully more powerful skills than before. Though I must say, your growth has been quite terrifying, nearly as terrifying as your series. While sprite legends like Alvin or Daniel-sun have high linear growth, your improvement has been explosive that it's unreal - it's exponential and it's only a matter of time before you may surpass even them. Your sprite skills, your story, your imagination and characters have all blown my mind again and again.

I suppose it's the dark feel to it, much like Daniel's Power Star series that have drawn me in. While most series keep the heroes as an underdog, but still managing to thrawt the villain, they've always left me cheering for the bad guys, because the good guys seemingly always win, wanting to see the good guys ass get kicked because they always win. Only twice in my life did I ever want to lean a bit towards the good guys: the Power Star series and this. This is proof of how powerful your series is - the fact that you made the good guys struggle towards seemingly an impossible goal, knowing that they may never win made me feel more for them. (Doesn't mean I still like seeing their ass get kicked though).

A few things you need to keep in mind, though, when continuing the series:

1. Start killing off characters, especially the good guys - if you don't start murdering some of the characters, then the dark feel of the series may start to go down. Why? Because we've seen the limit to what you'll do to the good guys - you will injure the, you will crush them, maybe nearly kill them, but you will never kill them and that's when the series will start going downhill and we will be disappointed, because we know you will never do worse and we've seen the limit. I don't want to see it go that way. However, don't kill them off all at once, because that's despair - hopelessness: if that's the case, might as well have killed them off all at once in the beginning.

2. Aim for tragedy - and by definition, tragedy is only tragedy when at the end, there is a spark of hope, when the good guys seemingly almost win, but only for a minute, before hope is taken away from them and darkness descends upon them as sudden as existence and as silently as death. What will keep us watching is the powerful dark drive that makes us feel sorry for the good guys, but at the same time, having a that small corner of hope that something good may happen. That's what you're seeking. You've been doing an excellent job of that so far, allowing the good guys to grow stronger, but always surpassed by their superior antagonists. Darkness to light should at least be 2:1. But remember, keep it up.

3. There are 3 types of villains: Villains who are evil because they have a tragic past and we ultimately pity, villains who are evil because they hate the world enjoy watching the world burn (which is just a different form of the first type), and villains who we will never understand because they have no motives and no drive, villains who are just insane, and they are the lowest to highest level villain respectively. On newgrounds, nearly 95% of the villains are type 1, 5% are type 2. So far I haven't seen type 3 yet, but you can look them up in manga or in movies. The point I'm trying to make is not to always try to let us understand the bad guys. That makes us want to know more about them, but sometimes unexplainable is best - feed us just enough information to be curious, but not enough to be satisfied, because once satisfied, we don't need to watch anymore.

I hope you submit the series soon, because I tire of waiting. There are quite a few artists who start a series, but the drive to finish it dwindle and sometimes they never finish. (See Link's quest for ass). I don't want you to become one of them.

~6th-sage

shadefalcon responds:

Yeah, sorry, problem is my need to have more custom spriters on staff to help me.

And thank you, I'm always trying to improve my skills with each episode. I think you'll see a tremendous amount of "passion" in the next one, I suppose that's the best word. And Yes, I love D-Sun, one of my inspirations.

Also, yes, there will be many deaths to come along, just can't say who, some heroes, and more characters still have yet to be envieled unfortunatly.

Now for your points:

1: Agreed 100% and it's exactly where I'm taking the series. many deaths to come and some when they die, you may not even be sure if they are 100% dead.

2: Thank you very much ^-^

3: Heh heh, you're indeed a smart one. Yes, there are 3 kinds of evil:

Shadow: You pity for his horrid past.

Kiritsu: You know has a slight motive but mainly likes destruction

and the last kind of villain who just likes the world to burn as you said, well, let's just say there will be one to come, and soon ;)

Thank you for your kind words, and don't worry, even if this series takes me a long time, I WILL finish it. That's a promise to the fans, and to myself. I never leave something I started, undone.

God Bless

Shade

[TBA -Heroes vs Villains]

This has some seriously powerful potential -

The artwork, while not god-like some some of the top 50s, is actually pretty amazing. The framing was decently done: the animation flowed smoothly instead of scratchy like in the ones of new flash artists. You definitely have skill.

Artwork aside, however, I think that you may need to work a lot of developing the world, characters, plot, and fights. I'll break it down to you on my views and suggestions for each:

1. The World: Instead of textual descriptions, always employ the "show but don't tell" technique - which means, instead of telling it to us in words, show it to us in pictures, motions, and feelings. Show the world as a ghetto - spray paints, polution, corruption, crime, etc: Show people fighting for food, angry mobs, etc. It leaves a greater impression in us if you show it to us instead of telling it. I would also suggest developing the world into a more complex network and extend the reach to categorize each section of your worlds to show the good and bad.

2. The characters are what I think I need to comment on most: They were the best part of the flash and at the same time, most disappointing. It was like watching an unpolished diamond - the idea so great, yet so underdeveloped and too raw. The central part, the characters and personalities of the characters are extremely attractive. You also remembered to keep the protagonist stronger than common people, but the underdog when compared to the villains instead of making him kick ass from the beginning. The villain was a genius maniac, but you made us feel sorry for him in the end when he dies because of his own tragic past. That was also powerful.

But should you expand the series, you should leave room for character development, background history, interactions with other charcters etc. And as for their battles, I made a separate section for comments below (see part 4).

3. Plot: As I said, this flash has some serious potential to develop into a series: Remember: employ the show and don't tell. I would suggest showing earth develop from our age to the next age, to nuclear war, to expansion, and ultimately, to corruption, and one by one, sectors are conquered and earth is abandoned or left as a trashland to send criminals or wastes, etc. Show why earth is as it is right now, but also remember not all at once. Show flashes of them in each episode like layers of an onion: peel away the plot one layer at a time, let us know enough to stay interested, but not enough to destroy our curiosity.

4. Now about the battles: Also one thing I really want to comment on - employ the standard 2-3 rule: Bad guys win 2 out of every 3 battles. The first one, the bad guy dominates and toys with the good guy like he is nothing compared to him, leaving the protagonist feeling humiliated and helpless, spurring him to work hard. The second time, he fights back, and are more evenly matched, but the bad guy still gains the upperhand, but the bad guy finally sees him as a threat. And the third time, the bad guy almost wins, but in his pride, he fails to see that the protagonist has saved one last technique and when he sees through the move, it is too late.

And in the final battle, the standard battle routine is: good guy shows bad guy he has power and injures the bad guy. Bad guy unleashes full power and kicks the good guy around for a good part of the fight, until the bad guy becomes overconfident and the good guy takes control of that. HOWEVER, remember to have the bad guy make a comeback, a short comeback to make the bad guy remember not to underestimate him, a hit out of nowhere that draws blood or sends the good guy reeling. Then in an explosive final trade of blows, the good guy ultimately succeeds, critically injured, but successful.

With this, however, it is only the beginning, and the good guy realizes the need to become stronger, with far strong opponents than the one he faces and grows stronger while remaining the underdog.

You have potenail, kid - I would suggest developint it. Don't let it go to waste. I'm keep an eye on you.

~6th-sage~

Comick responds:

Wow. Thanks for taking the time to write such a nice and detailed review on my cartoon :) I see what you mean on certain parts like building the world up better and I think the characters would have been better to show personality if I had more time to do it for the contest. I imagine a lot more for them. The only part I disagree on is the battle formula you put. I feel Zane had the upper hand for most of the battle and it was better that way. He even blew up most of SAHU's head off lol. If SAHU had any moments of power it would have meant he was "holding back" and in this case he wasn't. He was mad and kept getting blown off on ever try. The last part was really just his final end, (his last weapon) if it didn't work he would have been done for...it wasn't about him getting stronger by some "power boost". This battle was pretty even actually; since they were both SAHU models...they both ended up busted and "broken" either in spirit or physically. The only thing that brought SAHU back was that he realized his efforts were not in vain (some life continued on and he could still make a difference in the world). Anyways thanks again and glad you liked it!

[The Man Who Could Sit...]

So this is the result...

... of the fusion of explosm and egoraptor XD.

[Pigeon!]

Short, but entertaining

The hobo kicking the pigeon into the lamp post was funny. Stealing the old lady's sack of pigeon food was even funnier, but then the hobo came back for the pigeon. That was the point where I laughed.

I love Cyanide and Happiness. I'll be buying your book soon, so don't let me down! I'd even buy DVDs of your shorts if you'll be making them. Just don't turn yourself into a money-hungry corporation and I'll promise to support you whenever I can.

Keep up the good work. Can't wait for this week's short.

[LARRY episode 1]

Interesting break from the usual serious dramas...

From Paladin to the Composer, I've always thought of you as a dramatic flash artist. And it's quite interesting to see you break away from the seriousness and experiment with something very unique.

So you've decided to trash the "noble" hero tradition and give rise to a tiny, but brutal little monster. Well done. And you've even done the excellent "show, but don't tell." For example, from the first episode you've already demonstrated the stats of the little kid - his offense and defense. The kid is excessively brutal and brave, as he beat the crap out of and maimed the herald so he has superb offensive skills such as power and speed. And he got knocked bloody by a slam of a door (although it may be for comical effects), he has a weak overall defense, health, and stamina (and the fact that he's very small). You need to keep doing "show, but don't tell". That's probably one of the most powerful things you've got going there, mate.

Excellent animation and smooth effects. My personal favorite part was when Larry was marked as he was knighted and blasted with a torrent of arrows. The blur effect and fire of the arrows was awesome. The slow motion was a bit wacky. It did not show the slow motion very clearly. Slow motion would be done in contrast with a large variety of moving things slowing down. We've only seen the king's face and voice slow down, and that's not very clear. What would be clear would be hands clapping and people cheering going from fast clapping to very slow clapping (yes and then show the king's face). And the wizard stopping the arrows, you could make an effect where the arrow slows down and there's a 3D 360 turn view of the wizard slowing the arrows down and blocking them.

The best part is the plot going in a very unique direction, breaking away from the traditional "powerful evil mastermind." Usually it's the mastermind who is confident in his power and underestimates the hero. Now we've got the mastermind who is not confident in his own power and wants to choose a crappy hero. So we've got a tiny, barbaric freak pitched up against a wanna-be villain (As long as he's not like Team Rocket in Pokemo, i'm okay) - that combination would probably make the most powerful comedy ever.

What I could suggest, however, is that the hero remains the underdog. Character development is very important - do not EVER make him turn powerful within one episode. I could not stress that enough - that's usually how many epic stories destroy themselves. Make him lose some fights to give him room for development. But remember - as the hero turns stronger, you must make the advisor stronger (even if he's only an idiot).

So we've discussed the hero, the villain - now about the trainer and the king. I find it odd that a magician is going to teach him the way of the sword. That's like asking a math teacher to teach english. So far, I enjoy his personality and his relationship with Larry, "Something tells me you'll do just...fine..."

Weapons define a character. I understand you're going for the traditional legend with a legendary sword. But might I suggest something more brutal? Everyone uses sword that it's getting old. Now a War Hammer to smash things for a little kid like that would be interesting, and would probably create some very hilariously brutal effects. *Wink*

And remember, in a plot, don't leave out loose ends. The marksmen failed. I understand the king is stupid, but he should know that something is at least amiss from the sudden burst of hostility and send men out to investigate. You need to clear that up on the next episode. I mean, you can't just let the bowmen just appear and disappearing from the rest of the episodes without a trace and without the king retaliating.

I also understand that you chose to parody the usual "son follows father's footstep" and make fun of it. But ugh... making out with his father's rotting severed head is absolutely disgusting. Don't do that again.

And you need more tits. Bring in some female characters. And a rival for Larry is essential. Possibly a female rival. Hilarious.

Jazza responds:

what a flippin great review! a lot there for me to think about. i liked houw you brought to attention the 'stats' sorta things, which is interesting coz that is exactly how e would function in the upcoming games :) also with slowing down the scene even more, i wasnt trying to have the whole thing appear in slow motion, only the kins speech bit by bit in anticipation. it may not have been clear enough but i dont mind, i tend to have the job of balancing quite a lot of elements :P oh and a 360 turn, knowing how much of a perfectionist i am, would add another week to my animations work and i'm a little lazy deep down :P

dont worry about the main character becoming too powerful. and who ever said it'll only ever be one good guy against one bad guy? :P the hero got a companion, would the villain? who knows? I DO but i'm bloody well not telling! lol.

i have to go with sword simply because the series is pulling on chliches. the cliche is the hero is a knight with a sword, the pull is that the sword originated from a cheese and chicken platter rather then a mighty legend of it being held within a great stone or some crap. plus, i like swords and bludgeoning is nowhere as near as fun as slicing up people :)

oh and every character you see, especially the ones that speak, have permanent roles in the series, you will see the marksmen again, you will probably see the overlords response to their failure, and even some of the characters who have not even spoken i have already planned entire episodes to revolve around.

as for the son making out with the fathers head, it was a one off thing, i just had to for kicks :P it got the response i expected lol. i will bring in women as main charactersm a little hard atm as i wanan keep voice acting local and atm its just me and my brother. i'll figure it out. i'm keeping out sex jokes tho. they dont appeal to me.

thanks for the great review man, must have taken you at least a day right?

:D

[Super Mario bros Z ep.8 (old series)]

Well, the fight battles were awesome as usual...

I enjoy your series as I would an anime series. I really do. The fight scenes are incredibly suspenseful, the combat moves were inventive, and you definitely show an incredible relationship between real DBZ characters and the ones you use.

For instance, we definitely know that Sonic/Mario is Goku, they're the strongest of the group of 5. Then we have Shadow, who is the lone wolf and arrogant, constantly angry Vegeta. Yoshi would be Piccolo, the green guy, and plus we have yoshi island, which is similar to the home of the Green men, Planet Namek, except you didn't make Yoshi as bad-ass as he did Piccolo. And hence (Yeah, I know - Luigi would be Krillin), my first complaint - the lack of focus on Yoshi. I hope you have prepared to keep a spotlight for yoshi, many people's favorite mario character. We want yoshi to have a background and a history, and yoshi's own unique special powers aside from the mario brothers and the hedgehogs. Because so far the only character who has not had a powered up form would be Yoshi.

I would suggest having half a series or more dedicated to something like say, the legend of the "Angel yoshi", where yoshi turns into a dragon. We've seen everyone power up with fire flowers, power stars, etc. Sonic, Mario, Shadow, and even luigi. Now it's Yoshi's turn. Give yoshi the spotlight.

Drama is essential in an anime series. Especially since your series is so ambitious, you need good drama. Now, there's a difference between a scene being dramatic (good) and a scene being cheesy (bad). For example, "Shadow" leaving the team. It's a bit cheesy. You didn't give Shadow enough development for us to really "miss" him, hence, making things a bit awkward. A good "team member leaving" scene, if you've read the manga series One Piece, would be when Usopp leaves the Straw hat Pirates. It was dramatic, because they argued over a large matter, with a calm before tension, and then the storm. There was no calm before the storm, so the anger came as a shock. In OP, however, he built the tension up slowly, and soon, we were on the edge of our feet.

What you could have done, for example, was have Shadow hint at leaving a few times, but calmed down every time, but each time with increasing difficulty. And soon, at the height of problems, he proposes to leave, except this time with true intent. Shadow would anger up, Sonic would not take him seriously, and Shadow would attack Sonic, which leaves Sonic shocked. And when Shadow seriously injures Sonic, Sonic would understand that Shadow is serious, and an epic fight ensues, with happy memories and flashbacks in between fights. That's how to build up drama.

That would also be killing three birds with one stone - you allowed a Shadow vs. Sonic face-off, you will allow war between team members, something that always happens in every good series, and you would also allow tears from our eyes when we see Shadow finally leave the team after so much history, so much tension, and so much blood.

So I'm not saying Shadow leaving the team is a bad idea, I just think it is way too rushed. And with such an incredible series, it's awkward to see cheese rather than drama. If you think you haven't done drama before, remember the destruction of Mobius? That was well done, because it was detailed and well-thought out. Put more thought into it.

And also, the 3D idea is wonderful, but because it's sprite, and your anime drawing of the gang, though good, is still underdeveloped. I'll let it slide this time because it's your first time testing that idea.

I thank you so much for releasing it less than 16 months since SMBZ 7. Procastination is not a thing that is easily forgiven, especially from a bit-shot artist like you.

Looking to see more from you, and soon, like this time.

Best wishes, and good luck!

[Wilson Beard's Cannons]

Damn!

I'd like to order a cannon please! XD